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Thoughts on Motherhood

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This morning I read an article about the lovely Cameron Diaz (clearly it was a slow morning) who stated she wasn't going to be having children because she wasn't drawn to motherhood and anyway it's so much work. 

Totally cool.  

Some women don't feel the need to procreate and no one should make them feel inferior for their decision. If it doesn't float your boat, don't do it!  

That being said, I couldn't help but feel a little sorry for her. I, being very drawn to motherhood, am unable to imagine my life without a crew of ankle biters. I know lots of women who never gave a single thought to being a mother yet found themselves pregnant and fell hopelessly in love with their offspring. They were changed forever.

Of course, while I mention my "feeling sorry" for Cameron, I should also say that I have felt sorry for myself at times too during this journey of motherhood. 

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There was the time I was a young, inexperienced single mother and Macson had croup for the first time. It was the middle of the night and I'd never heard sounds like that come from a child's mouth. I held his panicking body with one arm and googled like a madwoman with the other. I was legitimately frightened and alone. (I also ended up wrapping him in a blanket and sitting outside in the frigid, midnight air while he slept on my lap. It worked. So there's a little informative bonus for ya'! LOL)

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Or the time he had a very serious stomach virus and the ingredients of his dinner were all over my car... then my floor... then his bed... (Two year olds don't have the greatest depth perception when it comes to puking in a bucket. LOL) I was pretty exhausted as he was sick through the night and I still needed to be at work a few hours later. Motherhood is really hard work and a very serious endeavor. 

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I'll never again be fully "relaxed". Even when I'm not with them (attempting to relax) thoughts of my children and their well being take over my mind. When they're grown my babies will still need me in some way and I doubt they will ever grow out of warranting my constant thoughts and worry. 

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These days I weigh all of my actions and their impact on these walking, talking, crawling sponges. When I'm gone, fragments of these days will live on and pass to future generations. The way I raise my children will impact the way they raise theirs. That's a heavy responsibility when you really think about it. 

Macson and Lolly are so worth it. Every ounce of blood, sweat and tears has been worth it. My babies have filled my life to the brim with love and joy. I am so grateful for the opportunity to be their mother. When I think of what life might have been without them, the mundane suddenly becomes a gift. I don't ever want to know life without these two. 

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