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Overjoyed

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If you've been on social media for any length of time, you've probably come across something that I like to call "motherhood porn", the unbalanced romanticism of an incredibly lovely, yet taxing, stage of life. 

I feel like I need to preface this post by saying that there are many wonderful, respectable, creative mothers who make a living on Instagram through sponsored posts. They are excellent photographers with masterfully curated feeds, striving to show real life in an authentic, though admittedly more-creative-than-the-rest-of-us, way. 

But you know what I’m talking about... she’s mom to several yummy babies, lives in an all-white house (rents it, more often than you’d guess), has an eclectic fashion sense, eats organic everything and each picture that she posts is more serene than the last. 

Aaaaaaaaand, do you know what I think? 

Cool. Also, maybe a little bull 💩, but cool. She’s probably not the mama friend for me, though. 

Wanna know why that is? Because sometimes I’m not overjoyed by being a mom. Sometimes the only serene in my life are the fantasies in my mind of having grown children who meet me for coffee instead of small children diving to spill it.  

There. I said it. You read it here.  

Sometimes I’m not overjoyed by motherhood. Sometimes I think, “Holy crap, this sucks - I can’t believe I signed up for this.”  

Also, “Holy crap, I’m terrified.”  

And I’m telling you - if you’re not a little bit terrified every day, I’m not sure you’re doing it right.  

Because being terrified means you still care. Being terrified means you have the correct awareness that you don’t have all the answers. Being terrified means you know you still need to improve.  

And having those days where you’re mothering and gritting your teeth all the while, is the proof that you’re DOING IT. You’re showing up for the hard work every day - not just when your kids are being cherubs or when you’re riding that oxytocin high during the postpartum and breastfeeding period. You’re showing up where REAL LOVE lives... in the foxholes - where bullets fly and wars wages around us, but we’re there - laying our lives down for the sake of another - laying our lives down for a cause that’s bigger than us. 

So, please accept this virtual high five from me on the days where you’re mothering from cloud nine AND the days where you’re mothering from the aisles of Target, where you’ve dragged your lonely, weary soul to mingle in the presence of overpriced clothes and that glorious seasonal dollar section that gets us every time.  

I see you. You’ve got this. 

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